I’ve sat across countless tables—boardroom, Zoom grid, even the occasional school cafeteria—where someone fires off a “Yes, let’s do it,” and yet, my gut sinks. That “yes” feels brittle. I hear subtleties beneath the surface—an “I’ll look into it” here, a “we’ll try” there—that whisper true intent long before the final agreement. In my early days with The Black Swan Group, I fell prey to that false security, too. I’d hear the hopeful “Yes,” picture the deal closing, then discover weeks later that the other side had quietly backpedaled. That pattern taught me the hard way that agreements aren’t made with the final signature. They are made or broken by your recognition (or ignorance) of red and yellow flags early on.
When your gut tells you something's off, it usually is. The problem is, we get so excited about moving a deal forward that we ignore our intuition. We see potential, possibility, and hope - what we call getting "happy ears" about agreements. Instead of staying present and focusing on what the other side is saying (and what they're not saying), we let excitement cloud our judgment.
In a recent training, I discussed with our attendees how people say things like, "I'll look into it for you" or "We'll try," These subtle nuances in verbiage go right over our heads. I told the group, "None of you realized that, that individual just told you they’ll look into it. None of you realized they were being very vague, and didn't have direct and specific intent on moving forward."
It's those little red flags - the hesitancies, the uncertainties, the specific word choices - that tell you everything you need to know about whether an agreement is real.
When it comes to sniffing out false agreements, I think about implementation in two ways. First, there are implementation questions - getting your counterpart to verbalize what actions they'll take when you part company. Derek Gaunt has a favorite question he throws out all the time: "There will be people in your organization that don't like what we agreed to. What specifically will you tell them to make them comfortable that this is the right decision?"
If they can answer that question with specifics - "Yeah, when they push back on this, I'll tell them we're confident because X, Y, and Z" - you've got a real agreement. If they can't come up with concrete answers, you know they're either lying to get you out of their face or they're just uncomfortable in that moment.
Other great implementation questions include:
Always look to get them into the future, out of the moment they’re currently in, and starting to solve potential problems that could come up.
The second way I think about implementation is through something we like to call the Rule of Three. Once you get your first "yes," you should seek to test that agreement at least 2 more times (3 "yes's" in total).
Here's how I do it: Let's say my counterpart and I agree on something and I throw out a Label™: "It sounds like you have a day that you're looking to get this finalized." Maybe they say "Thursday." I'll mirror it: "Thursday?" Then they might elaborate on why Thursday matters. Finally, I'll paraphrase: "So you like this idea, you want to get it signed off and paid for by Thursday so that you can get this implemented and moving forward as quickly as possible?"
If I can get multiple follow-up agreements, I know it's solid. We call this the "Rule of Seven" for Accommodator negotiators because they'll tell you "yes" to your face over and over again and never follow through - they just don't want to hurt your feelings.
Here's a hard truth: when someone gives you a false agreement, the majority of the burden lies on you. The person giving the false agreement is internally screaming, "I hope this person picks up on the fact that I'm not on board." But they'll continue to stand there saying, "Yeah, sounds good."
We're often scared to call it out because we're essentially saying, "I don't think you're being honest with me." But when you trust your intuition and call it out in a deferential manner - "It sounds like there are some hesitancies behind that yes." - it's hard for someone to get upset with that. And if they do? You apologize, take the blame, and move on.
If you realize you're getting weird signals or there's not high intent, verbalize it. Don't try to push to the point where you're getting an agreement. Be able to say, "It doesn't seem like this is a high priority for you" or "It doesn't seem like we're your first choice in this instance."
Remember: it's not a sin to not get a deal. It's a sin to take a long time to not get a deal. Listen to your intuition, ask implementation questions, use the Rule of Three, and don't be afraid to call out what you're sensing. Your future self will thank you for not chasing false agreements that were never going to happen anyway.