I want to share something that's transformed my negotiations and will save you countless hours of wasted effort.
It's a single question: "Why would you ever pick us?"
Ask it early. Ask it directly. Ask it with genuine curiosity. This question will immediately separate serious counterparts from time-wasters.
In hostage negotiation, we needed to determine quickly if the person we were trying to save was still alive. We called it a "proof of life" question. In business, the principle is identical - you need to know if the deal is actually alive for you or if you're negotiating with a ghost.
Most people are afraid to ask this question. They worry it sounds insecure or confrontational. It's neither. It's strategic.
When you ask "Why would you ever pick us?" you're not being desperate - you're being efficient. You're bringing clarity into a situation where ambiguity is a slow death. It’s not a sin to not get the deal, it’s a sin to take a long time to not get the deal.
Let me show you how powerful this is in real situations.
In sales, you've probably experienced the endless cycle of demos, proposals, and follow-ups that go nowhere. Your prospect keeps saying they're interested, but months pass with no decision. You're trapped in maybe-land.
That's when you need to lean in, slow down your speech, and ask: "I'm curious - why would you ever pick us over the alternatives you're considering?"
Their answer tells you everything. If they can articulate specific, thoughtful reasons tied to your unique value, you've got a live deal. If they hesitate, give vague platitudes about "exploring options," or can't name any distinct advantage you offer - you're likely a bargaining chip for a decision they've already made.
This question works just as effectively in hiring. The job market is full of candidates who want a job, not your job. When interviewing, I always ask potential team members: "Why would you ever pick us when you have so many options?"
Watch carefully. Are they surprised by the question? Do they give generic answers about company culture and growth opportunities? Or do they light up with specific reasons they've been following your company and how their skills align with your unique challenges?
The first response means they're applying everywhere. The second means they've done their homework and want to be part of your specific mission.
The human nature reality behind this question is what makes it so effective. Ignore human nature at your peril. And this is so true, The Black Swan Group has designated this Law of Negotiation Gravity™ - Vision Drives Decision.
What does that mean? Everyone has a vision of the future, the path they are planning/hoping for when they do anything, especially scheduling a meeting. That vision of the future is what you are uncovering with this question to see if it includes you.
The “why” question in this instance (and it is the only instance The Black Swan Group recommends using the word “why”) provokes an honest response.
If that vision of the future includes you, they will outline the reasoning. Their emotion involved in this narrow context is honest as they feel they are essentially correcting you and people strongly tend to correct with the truth.
If their answer lacks specifics, the question has caught them off-guard because they don’t intend to proceed with you. They will either give you a vague answer or shift the burden back to you with something like “Well..that’s up to you to convince me…that’s why we’re here.”
Your delivery matters tremendously. This isn't an aggressive challenge. It's a genuinely curious inquiry.
Use a sincere tone. Use upward inflection at the end of the question. Then - and this is crucial - be completely silent. Let them fill the space.
The silence after this question is where the truth emerges.
What makes this approach different from traditional sales or negotiation tactics? It's honest. It's efficient. And it's mutually beneficial.
By asking "Why would you ever pick us?" you're not manipulating anyone. You're giving them the opportunity to clarify their own thinking. You're helping them articulate value they might not have fully processed. And you're saving both parties from a prolonged dance of indecision.
This question does something else remarkable - it shifts the power dynamic. Suddenly, you're not the one desperately trying to prove your worth. You're the one evaluating if there's a genuine fit. That's not arrogance. That's respect for your time and theirs.
Time is the only resource you can't get more of. Every minute spent in a negotiation that's going nowhere is a minute you could be investing in a real opportunity. Every hour dedicated to a prospect who's using you as leverage is an hour stolen from clients who truly value what you offer.
"Why would you ever pick us?" is your protection against this theft of time.
So tomorrow, when you're on that sales call, in that job interview, or at that negotiation table, find the right moment, take a breath, and ask:
"I'm curious - why would you ever pick us?"
Then listen. Really listen.
What you hear will either be the beginning of a genuine relationship or the end of a costly illusion.
Either way, you win.
Because the truth - even when it's not what you hoped to hear - is always more valuable than comfortable uncertainty.