Price Isn’t Value: How to Negotiate What Actually Matters

When people hear the word “value,” most immediately think of price. I get it—money is concrete. It’s measurable. It shows up on the offer sheet. But that narrow definition of value is one of the biggest traps in any negotiation. If you're focusing on price, you're already playing defense.

In my world, value is not what something costs. It’s what it means to the other person—and that meaning shifts constantly depending on their experience, expectations, and emotional drivers. This is where most deals go sideways. Negotiators mistake the numbers on the table for the thing that’s actually driving decisions.

So let’s start where it counts: understanding what value really is to the other side.

Why Value Is a Moving Target

I’m going to get nerdy for a moment (you’ve been warned).

Daniel Kahneman’s Prospect Theory teaches us two game-changing truths:

1. Losses hurt more than gains feel good.
   
   
2. People compare their outcomes to a benchmark—and that benchmark isn’t fixed.

It’s emotional. It’s contextual. It’s a moving target.

Someone may not be reacting to the offer you made—they’re reacting to the story they’ve told themselves about what they expected. If they thought they’d get more, and you offer less,hat’s not just a different number in their mind—it’s a loss. Even if the deal is objectively great.

Your job as a negotiator is to uncover where the benchmark is—because value is measured relative to that line. Not to market rates. Not to logic. Not even to fairness. All the while the benchmark may move.

You’re Not Selling. You’re Protecting.

Here’s what most people get wrong in a negotiation: they think the other person is trying to gain. They’re not. Most people are trying to protect. They are trying to avoid a sense of loss—of time, money, opportunity, ego, status, reputation.

This is why so many negotiations stall when they should move forward. The other side isn’t comparing your offer to an alternative—they’re comparing it to an expectation you haven’t uncovered yet.

That’s why Tactical Empathy® is mission-critical. Not empathy as most people understand it—this isn’t about feeling what they feel. It’s about articulating their point of view better than they can. That’s when you start to see their emotional benchmarks: the stuff that’s not in the proposal, but defines the decision anyway.

A Game That Reveals the Truth

One of my favorite examples of this is the “Ultimatum Game.” We’ve used this exercise in training sessions, and it’s revealing every time.

Here’s how it works:

• You split a group in half—proposers and acceptors.
  
  
• Proposers find $10 and have one chance to offer a split to the acceptor.
  
  
• If the acceptor agrees, they both keep the money. If they don’t? Neither gets anything.

Logic says a proposer could offer $1 and keep $9, and the acceptor should say yes—because one dollar is better than zero, right?

Wrong. What happens almost every time is that low offers get rejected. Why? Because people would blow up a deal, even one that would have benefited them, if they believe they were treated r“unfairly”.

That’s Prospect Theory in action. The pain of loss—especially the loss of perceived fairness—is stronger than the reward of gain.

So What Do You Do With This?

In high-stakes negotiation, knowing that value is perception changes the game. Here’s how you apply that insight:

1. Get curious about their benchmark.
   Ask No-Oriented Questions™. Use Labels™. Mirror™. Slow the conversation down. You’re not just looking for what they want—you’re listening for what they expect. Ask yourself: “What loss are they trying to avoid?
   
   
2. Articulate their world better than they can.
   This is Tactical Empathy^® 101. You’re not here to explain your offer. You’re here to explain their concerns—until they say “That’s right.” That’s the turning point. Until you hear it, you’re not at the table. You’re still outside.
   
   
3. Understand that fairness is currency.
   Even if the deal makes sense on paper, it will fall apart if it feels unfair. Use Labels™ like “It seems like you’re comparing this to something else,” or “It looks like this wasn’t what you were expecting.” This triggers clarity and often reveals the hidden benchmark.
   
   
4. Don’t confuse movement with momentum.
   When someone starts shifting concessions around the table—offering add-ons, flexing on price, throwing in bonuses—that’s not always progress. Sometimes it’s just noise. Slow it down. Aim for clarity before motion.

Final Thought

If value is about perception—and perception is anchored to emotional benchmarks—then the best negotiators aren’t just deal-makers. They’re truth-finders. They uncover the unseen, listen for the unsaid, and name what matters.

That’s what Tactical Empathy does^®. That’s what The Black Swan Method™ is built to do.

Price is just a number. Value is the story behind it. Learn the story, and you change the outcome.