Summary™ and Paraphrase: What, How, When

       So far, we have talked about the fear of public speaking (glossophobia) being the most widespread of all phobias.  It surpasses the fear of death and spiders.  Globally, about 75% of the population experiences some form of anxiety when speaking in public.  Public speaking can include prepared speeches, presentations, or small informal group discussions.  Talking at social gatherings can induce the same anxiety as speaking at a conference full of peers.  Public speaking exposes us to judgment, evaluation, and criticism.  You probably think there are valid reasons for you to be nervous when speaking to groups.  You might be worried that you will say something unintentionally offensive. You might feel nauseated when you have to speak in front of “sooo many people”.  You may break out in a cold sweat. You probably experience these same feelings when you have a high-stakes negotiation approaching.  As a result, you feel stressed because you value your performance reputation.  

        The paragraph above is a Black Swan Summary.  Starting with a Summary™ is an effective way to make your negotiation about the other side.  The Black Swan Group™ expanded our Quick 2 + 1™ (Labels™, Mirrors™, Dynamic Silence™) into the Core 4 (by adding Summary™).  This was done after discovering that many coaching clients, organically, were coupling Summaries with the Quick 2 + 1™ so often, it made sense to make it a part of our foundational skill set.  

A complete Summary™ lets your counterpart know that you understand their perspective and concerns.  When should use them?

• At the beginning, to demonstrate you have a grasp of the totality of the circumstances brought you to the table
• Preceding assertion
• Anytime you need clarification
• Before counter offers/suggestions
• End, to reinforce an agreement or deal

        A Summary™ at the first meeting may not be as long as a Summary™ after an agreement has been reached, but there is plenty to deliver to address possible negative emotions or concerns that the other side might hold.  Reread the first paragraph and look for the Accusation Audits™ that are woven in.  

        Summaries help us listen deeply.  The new Summary™ mandate is, feedback at least nine points learned or discovered during the interaction.  If you commit to using Summaries, you will find that your curiosity and listening skills have to be in high gear.  For your counterpart, there are few things in a conversation more satisfying than a Summary™ that they recognize as truth.  When you wrap up a Summary™ with the Label™ “as a result, you feel__________ because you value/believe in_____________”  you will hear them almost shout “that’s right!”  This enthusiastic buy-in creates a bond because your counterpart feels heard and understood.  To someone casually observing the use of a complete Summary™, it may appear that you both like and agree with each other.  Tactical Empathy^® does not require you to agree with or like your counterpart.  You must only seek to understand their perspective, world-view, and dynamics, and articulate that back to them.  To your counterpart and the team surrounding them, you will become likable, but that doesn’t make you weak.  If anything, it strengthens your position and capabilities in the negotiation.      

        You probably think I am violating Black Swan rules about the words and, or, but, and because.  After a Summary™, we have discovered a rare exception.  With this structure, we are demonstrating our grasp of their reality…what’s truly important to them. We  

        Paraphrase is a slightly different creature.  A Paraphrase has no structure like a Label™ or a Summary™.  An attending listening skill, a Paraphrase is simply repackaging what your counterpart says and providing a short sentence or two in your own words.  How would I Paraphrase the previous discussion about fear of public speaking?  Perhaps I would say something similar to: Public speaking can be a very stressful, even overwhelming activity, for several reasons.  Paraphrasing, like Mirroring™, lets your counterpart know you are tracking accurately.  The best practice is to follow your curiosity.  Test your understanding by Paraphrasing when it is conversationally appropriate.  You must listen closely for the internal logic and emotion the other side is displaying if you hope to master the Summary™ or the Paraphrase.  

        This is going to sound blunt.  The most effective Summary™ or Paraphrase is realized after about seventy uses in low or no-stakes conversations.  The benefits of complete Summaries and effective Paraphrasing are worth the investment.  You will find that your ability to establish trust-based influence and collaborate for mutual prosperity comes more easily as you utilize all the Black Swan Group™ techniques.  I know what we ask of you can be challenging.  You might feel unnatural as you continue to grow your talent in negotiation.  Is it crazy to suggest that Summary™ and Paraphrase should be the skills you concentrate on for the next month?