How to Collaborate Through—and Beyond—Disagreement

Why Most Collaboration Fails When It Matters Most

If you’ve ever walked away thinking, “That could’ve gone better,” you’re not alone. Whether you’re a leader, an operator, or someone who gets results through others, your ability to collaborate through disagreement is the skill that can multiply (or limit) your effectiveness.

Most people don’t realize that the moment disagreement appears, their collaboration muscles shut down. Instead of leaning in, we tense up. We double down on our point of view, over-explain, or sidestep tension, hoping the conflict will resolve itself.

At The Black Swan Group, we teach Tactical Empathy^®, demonstrating an understanding of your counterpart’s worldview, regardless of agreement. It’s about seeing what drives their words, actions, and emotions, and reflecting it back in a way that shows you are making an honest attempt to “get” them.

When people feel misunderstood, collaboration stops. When they feel truly understood, the door opens to resolution… and real progress begins.

The Human Need That Must Be Addressed Before Agreement

Before logic lands, emotion must be acknowledged. Every human being has a neurological need to feel heard and understood. Until that need is met, people can’t fully process information or consider options.

That’s why someone can nod along and still resist your ideas; they’re listening, but not available. Tactical Empathy^® reopens that door. The goal isn’t “you’re right”—it’s “That’s Right™.” When people feel seen without judgment, they lower defenses, and real collaboration becomes possible.

Why Your Judgment Is Killing the Conversation

Even experienced leaders fall into this trap: confusing empathy with approval. Many think they’re being empathetic when they’re actually disappointed.

Disappointment is judgment. Once the other side senses it, they stop sharing, stop collaborating, and protect themselves.

You can’t push through disagreement while carrying frustration, resentment, or superiority.  Your tone will betray you.

The antidote is curiosity. Replace “What’s wrong with them?” with “What are they reacting to that I haven’t uncovered yet?” That shift from judgment to curiosity changes everything. It fosters communication, lowers tension, and restores collaboration.

Tactical Empathy^® in Action: Three Moves That Build Collaboration

1. Labels™

Name emotions before they explode:

• “It sounds like I’ve caused a lot of headaches for you.”
• “It seems I’ve missed details that matter to you.”
• “Looks like my actions have thrown things off.”

Labels defuse tension while showing you see the emotional and circumstantial landscape.

2. Accusations Audit™

At the beginning of a tough conversation and certainly before sharing bad news or making an ask, call out the negatives the other person might be thinking:

• “You probably think I have no business talking to you.”
• “You might think I haven’t prioritized your input.”

Saying it first robs negativity of its power and signals that you’ve taken the time to understand their perspective.

3. Summarize Their World

Repackage their beliefs, concerns, and logic into a clear summary (ideally covering 9 key points). When they respond with  emotional buy-in you’ve achieved alignment. Now, they’re open to hearing your ideas.

Make Listening Your Competitive Advantage

Disagreement isn’t the end of collaboration… it’s the start line. Tactical Empathy^® allows you to:

• Make people feel heard before trying to be understood.
• Surface hidden fears and emotions before they explode.
• Stay connected in the heat of the moment.

• Lean into what's hard—because that's where real growth happens.