The Critical Distinction Between Reacting and Responding

^{There is a significant and often overlooked difference between reacting and responding. Understanding this distinction—and intentionally improving in both areas—can greatly enhance our communication skills and strengthen our ability to engage with Tactical Empathy®.}

A reaction is typically rooted in an emotional reflex to a stimulus—what someone said, how they said it, or an observed behavior. Frequently, these reactions are unconsciously linked to past negative experiences. The key to managing our reactions lies in emotional regulation. When we learn to control our emotions, we are better equipped to regulate our reactions, even in moments of tension.

We have all witnessed individuals who “fly off the handle”—raising their voice, belittling others, and later excusing their outburst as being “reactive” or “just passionate.” Regardless of the justification, such behavior consistently appears unprofessional and undermines credibility.

Reaction is often a product of unchecked emotion—a hasty reply delivered without thoughtful reflection or consideration for the other party’s perspective. These impulsive responses may feel satisfying in the moment but can cause lasting harm. Remember: when sharp words feel good to deliver, so good that you can almost taste them as they come out, they are often the most damaging and best left unsaid.

In contrast, consider those who remain calm, composed, and deliberate in the face of the same challenges. These individuals recognize their emotional responses, but they do not allow those emotions to dictate their behavior. They embody the wisdom of martial artist Bruce Lee, who advised:

“Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way around or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves.”

Such professionals demonstrate emotional control and self-awareness, leading to more effective and respectful interactions.

The concept of response warrants equal attention. Response involves a deliberate pause—a moment to recognize and manage the emotional impulse. In that pause, we breathe, reflect, and seek to understand the underlying why. Why did the individual say that? Why did they say it that way? Proper response means approaching the situation with curiosity, rather than judgment, allows us to craft a response that demonstrates both understanding and professionalism.

Mastering the art of response over reaction is not a simple task. It requires humility, self-awareness, and a shift in focus. It also takes practice.  Rather than making conversations about defending our position, true mastery occurs when we prioritize understanding the perspective of others. By doing so, our communication becomes more effective, our relationships more trusting, and hidden insights—what some refer to as “black swans”—begin to emerge.

Ultimately, strong communication is not about winning arguments. It’s about building trust, fostering collaboration, and creating space for genuine dialogue. Through intentional practice, we can move from reacting impulsively to responding thoughtfully—and in doing so, elevate both our leadership and our impact.